“The mental notes…are Stacking.”
There are roughly….*looks over glasses at adding machine tape*…. Umpty-Bazillion questions I wish I could ask you, darling. At this point, I might as well throw another question or two on the towering stack.
So far I have read three of the books on your reading list: Honest Illusions, Jackdaws, and By the River Piedra I Sat Down and Wept. I have now started Kavalier and Clay; this is the book I was most familiar with on the list. It is indeed a masterpiece- a Great American Novel. I glanced through Jackdaws a few years ago and intended to read it sometime. All the others are new to me (I’ve placed holds or checked out Coelho’s The Alchemist for people about 2, 789 times, though).
Recently I commented that there are significant similarities between the characters/relationships in each book (so far) and you and me. These relationships all have happy endings at the books’ conclusions (again, so far). In two of the books, the lovers- or would-be lovers- are separated for a time before they are reunited.
A question about these books….what did you intend my takeaway to be, darling? Can you give me a hint or two? Anything? Because there’s a lot going on in those 3 stories to identify with, right? I’ve enjoyed them. But what did you want me to know after reading these?
I’m so curious, please tell me. (I know you won’t tell me, but I can ask, anyway.)
I miss you and I love you so very much. I feel like something is happening with you, but I don’t know what it is.
I did it again today- I checked your social media to see how you are doing, and I saw that you’d posted only four minutes before. I swear, I do not get alerts or anything. All my adult life, my mother and I have been connected like that; at least a dozen times one of us have picked up the phone to call the other, the phone rings, and it’s her or me. Or one of us will be thinking of calling the other later that day, then the phone rings and there we are. When I was stuck downtown at the Centennial Olympic Park bombing and got home at 5:00am, I had a feeling my mother was watching CNN and worrying about me. I called, and she answered on one ring. That sort of thing has happened with us since I was a teenager.
I’m learning I can’t assume anything about anyone anymore, especially after that episode with the alleged lawyer/patron who pulled a Trojan-Horse-flavored bait & switch on me. Then after that shit, he had the gall to come to my class I was teaching at the library 3 days later. I was SOOOOOOOO uncomfortable in there, having to pretend that this guy (who didn’t even need the class) did not grope me and shove his tongue in my mouth 3 days ago, after having coerced me to give him my address. Yes. When we made the ‘appointment’, he told me he would pick me up and we would go have lunch for our meeting. He image-crafted the happily married family man so well, I thought he could be trusted. Instead, he came over and did that in my goddamned house. I thought I was clear with him before that I was not interested, so this time I met with him in a study room after class and got brutally frank. Polite, but frank. Two staff members were also monitoring the study room, just in case. He got the picture- at least it seems that way.
I’ve been depressed since that happened. Lord knows, people have disappointed me plenty of fucking times over the years, but I’ve never felt my overall image of humanity be this affected at once. It wasn’t just from that one instance, though; I think watching the hearings and seeing the new riot footage had an effect as well. I had a feeling a while back that something was about to happen, then right away, that bottomlessly horrible school shooting happened, and I hoped that wasn’t the event I’d been anticipating. Ever since then, my spirits have felt low and weighted down much of the time, more since the Fake Lawyer incident. Two days ago I woke up feeling as though my lead content had risen drastically overnight. I’ve been trying to shake the depression (with admittedly underwhelming results so far).
So here’s something fun I’ve been enjoying: the fun & silly aquarium lamp I made out of my decommissioned fish tank!
Are you ever going to talk to me again?