So Hard

As we all know, the rest of Ripley’s life turned out to be intertwined with the xenomorph’s timeline.

How does a person stop thinking of the one they love?

After they’re gone?

After they’re done with you?

So hard. And it’s been so hard to keep from looking at him. Impossible.

Because it’s so hard to let them go out of your life- never seeing or experiencing or knowing anything about their lives, thoughts, feelings, any of it- anymore.

Especially when none of it makes much sense.

Especially when I am so very alone.

I woke up in the semigloom of a rainy morning, and my mind remembered the feeling of lying with him in his bed next to his warm skin. Feeling his hand slide over my hip, pulling me closer. Hearing and almost feeling that certain sigh deep in his throat, feeling the pressure of him so hard against me, so good, the sound of him loving me. The sound of that sigh.

I had to look again.

But that’s not good, because nothing is coming but more and worse pain for me. The pain of him and her. I can’t stand the thought of what’s coming if I keep looking. More pictures of her. More poems for her. But more and more direct. And he’s going to put wedding pictures up sooner or later and I can’t see that shit. Struggling against wanting so badly to see him, loving him so much still, while struggling against having to see them together being so happy. He never would show me his love. And now she gets it all, poured over her in a waterfall. I wake up alone in the gloom.

What do I have to look forward to?

I have to remember: some days are harder than others. Some nights are harder than others.

That song is for her, isn’t it? Have you decided? To say you are in love with her?

:::

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