I Never Should Have Let You Touch Me. Ever.

You’ve finally proved it: my friends that I confided in were all correct. The health care professionals that were told the facts of your behavior were also correct (including an excellent psychiatrist w/ a PhD plus a clinical behavioral therapist). One of them, in fact, contacted the other to make certain they were aware that I, the patient, was entangled with a predatory man with Narcissistic Personality Disorder, at the very least, and they were obligated to warn. There was no need, though- both of them had independently arrived at that conclusion. She already knew.

I knew you were troubled and I knew you could be a fucking asshole sometimes but being a person who tries to be kind, caring, and understanding, I thought you were also a wonderfully fascinating person that deserved the care and love I could give you. I fell in love with you, but it wasn’t you. It was a man that doesn’t exist- it was a performance. You were Fascinating, yes, I’ll agree with that. You’re not fascinating enough, however, to make up for your inexcusable cruelty. Once, I thought you were capable of real love. You have to have empathy, though, and you can only pretend to have empathy- when it serves you. When it doesn’t, you say fuck ‘em. You have difficulty relating to others, you don’t consider their feelings or the impact that your lies, deception, manipulation, and abuse have on them. These are people you say you love. But you’re lying, to them and yourself.

You used me, a vulnerable innocent in the process of healing from the monstrous abuse of others like you. You didn’t care how shitty you were to me because you can’t care. Sometimes you put on a show of caring, but it’s a show- you mimic caring behaviors, but not out of love or concern for others. Only for yourself. You want to keep people there mainly so you can keep feeling good, that’s most important to you. When you’re done with them or they become inconvenient, you shit on them and get rid of them. Alienate them, they’ll go away. No skin off your nose.

Your disorder explains your behavior, but it can never excuse it. You don’t have the right to do that to people.

Ironically, you and your archenemy Donald Trump share at least one DSM-V disorder. Just in different places on that spectrum, maybe (the latest research supports narcissistic personality disorder existing on a spectrum).

I do hope she’s careful. Nobody deserves all your lies and shitty treatment. And I also hope that everything you did to me will haunt you for the rest of your life. Because in reality you are scared, lonely, and desperate.

And remember: when you cheat and lie to someone and they react with anger, that is called Consequences.

P.S. You’re also a relentless plagiarist! Because you can’t stop lying in order to make yourself appear as talented and romantic and irresistible as possible.

You need someone because you’re terrified of being alone with yourself in there.

It would have hurt me a lot less if you’d just killed me that day. It felt like you already had, anyway.

Down by the river/I shot my baby/….Dead…I shot her dead.