Sometimes a haiku will start coming together in my mind, if a particular word or phrase lights up for me. Sometimes these haikus get written down, sometimes not. Many are forgotten. This morning I found one about you that did get written down.
It was a delight;
the flavor of your loving
melting on my heart.
I have a clarification on something I said yesterday. I said I’m not reading any more of the books on your list because reading these surrogate happy endings for our counterparts, when you clearly don’t want any sort of relationship with me- it’s confusing, it feels I’m being taunted, it feels like that’s as close as I’m going to get to you. It hurts. But you don’t seem to care. Or at least, you don’t respond when I ask. It sends the same message. I asked what you were hoping I would glean from these readings, but of course you’re silent. I enjoyed all the ones I read, except for trying to figure out what you might have been attempting to tell me. Instead of actually exchanging words and thoughts with me through language.
I love you so very much. Of course I miss you. I’m angry and frustrated and hurt and confused, but all that is standing on the shoulders of love, which will always be there.
I wish you would answer me, or at least answer in a way that I can understand what you’re saying. If that Snake Island poem is supposed to tell me something, I don’t know what it is. If “Don’t Go” is what you’re saying, why hide it in a ‘Keep Out’ poem?
What the fuck am I doing here?
open your window
let me in
why won’t you let me in?