“Fire!! More Fire!! L-L-L-LIIIIIGHTS!!!”

……

To anyone who finds themselves accidentally reading this, Welcome: you’ve found a Random Woman’s journal alone in this room. It might get weird.

(Depending on the Reader.)

……

“Hey lil’ guy, I’m just walkin’ through

from another timeline where monsters eat truth”

I never get tired of this one from Run the Jewels- I live for that 1:28 shit when the air raid starts.

“Reality sucks dick, how’s that for wisdom?”

“The magic bean imbibers

(yes)

The green giant of the rhyme contrivers

(yes)

Supreme violence of the time describers (yes!)

I’m the decider, you evil eyers”

There’s too many righteous lyrics to count in their songs- but here’s one more gem from another one:

“The gates of hell are pugnaciously pacing, waitin’ -

I give a fuck if I’m late,

tell Satan ‘be patient’”

“And that’s from the crew you can trust-

Warranty Plus for fuckin shit up”

Run the Jewels- Jaimito y Michael de Render- I like them, and when I’m furious as fuck, they’re a top choice.

When I went off to college, I had enough unexpressed rage to fill NSA Bumblehive. I was going to art school, but I never was able to assign anger to my work much. I ran other emotions through my images, but anger never did come through- I could only route that into my words on paper, dance, music. I got rid of some of it by heading down the street to walk Forsyth Park as many times as I could stand it while listening to pissed-off music on my Walkman, loud as it would go, when fury would start blazing so hard. Although sometimes I would lie still and quiet in my room, listen on headphones, and let it burn off.

The live version of ‘Stigmata’ from In Case You Didn’t Feel Like Showing Up was one I would play on headphones a lot around then- that whole tape was good for such an endeavor (especially Side Two, though).

I lost my soul/To the look in your eyes

You ran out of lies/You ran out of lies

Oh, you have empty eyes

At about 5, I was standing in front of my dad as he sat on the sofa, and he was very angry with me because I had just been fighting with my brother over some sort of stupid bullshit. My dad yelled at me that he didn’t ever want to see my anger- that if I got mad like that again, he “didn’t want to see it”, pointing down the hallway to my room. I absorbed the message that having or showing anger was unacceptable. That wasn’t the only instance I was taught that, though. And yet I was already such a good girl all the time, “overly compliant”, and rarely lost it or boiled over in anger- it doesn’t even make sense, what he was demanding of me. But I had to obey him the best I could, and I did.

As a result, it still takes a lot these days to make me visibly angry, but it certainly does happen sometimes, and when it does happen, it’s intense (I’m told, by the few people who have managed to push me that far).

I still tend to process anger while listening to music, usually also while doing something like walking, typically.

On the other hand, sometimes I’d rather just go watch something funny as fuck, like “Wizard People, Dear Reader”, which is a work of art by Brad Neely. It’s an underground alternate commentary/narration to the first Harry Potter movie in its entirety. A sample:

“Professor Catface Meowmers” is one of the hilarious alternate character names in it, which is on YouTube in several forms. I think the “Second Draft” version is the best one.

Brad also made this classic, among other fun shit:

Thank you, Brad

-Amy

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