Are you just as depressed as I am?
There’s a bleakness to your latest that feels familiar. It feels like the other half of a matched set of two.
But I could be wrong. I don’t know.
Do you feel numb and immobilized at times, too?
With some of those moments on the flip side, that seize you and make the Alert lights come on?
I really do worry about stuff like whether you’re safe or not.
Listening from the corner, Doubt rolls her eyes at that thought, but it’s true.
I have not forgotten that this whole time, I haven’t known what’s happening to you. (Unless it’s pretty clear, like Black Rock City.)
You could be hinting about recovering from a car accident or surgery on your legs- I don’t know. You seemed fine when I saw you.
But of course you won’t say anything, so my only recourse is to play mental Operation and extract shards of something you might or might not be telling me. Gotta keep a steady hand, which is tricky when Doubt is watching with disapproval-
‘you know he’s keeping you on a string because he just likes having a long distance fan he doesn’t have to deal with-what do you know for sure about what he’s doing with you, or what his intent is? haven’t you had enough? Jesus!’
Sigh. I’m so sick of that thought that keeps barging in, pointing out uncomfortable facts. Plenty of times, however, there is an answering feeling that responds:
‘don’t listen. keep faith, and wait. he’s coming. delays.’
Doubt looks at me and smirks.
I look back.
‘you don’t know.’
‘neither do you.’